Want to blast belly fat? There is a trick for that. Just one trick. It’s a weird one. Just hand over your credit card and I’ll tell you what it is. Never mind that ultra fine print about recurring monthly payments of way too much money.

Here is one weird trick for building muscle fast: Cut a slit into your arm and shove an air-hose under your skin and pump up those biceps in seconds.

One weird trick to cure diabetes: Destroy all modern methods of food production (type 2 only).

One weird trick to get any woman you want: Actually there are two:

  • Be a billionaire
  • Be Ryan Gosling

One weird trick to having a gigantic penis: Have ancestors with gigantic phalluses.

One weird trick to blast belly fat:

Step 1: Strap firecrackers to your belly

Step 2: Blast away

One weird trick to slash your grocery bill in half: Eat half as much.

One weird trick to learn a new language: Go live in the place where they speak that language (and don’t speak your language).

One weird trick to boost testosterone: It involves a needle, and breaking the law.

One weird trick to drive her wild in bed: Dutch oven.

One weird trick to stay asleep all night: Tequila bender.

One weird trick to double your productivity: Delete your Facebook account.

One weird trick to get six-pack abs in seconds:


One weird trick to save money: Don’t click on “one weird trick” ads.

So many want a secret to turn their body into a FAT-INCINERATING BLAST FURNACE!!!! so you can GET RIPPED FAST!!! Or maybe it’s all about “packing on the slabs of lean muscle you deserve.” Deserve? Really? Why would anyone “deserve” muscle?

Deserve, deserve, deserve, deserve. Now it sounds weird. Also, language professors hate me.

Here’s a weird trick.

And it’s a real one. It actually works. And I won’t charge you for it. It’s called:

Stop falling for bullshit.

It’s weird, because it’s rare. Be rare. Be a critical thinker.

And remember, consistent effort is the real path to accomplishment.


This piece was first published on my old website on October 29, 2013.

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James S. Fell, CSCS, is an internationally syndicated fitness columnist for the Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times and AskMen.com. He is the author of Lose it Right: A Brutally Honest 3-Stage Program to Help You Get Fit and Lose Weight Without Losing Your Mind, published by Random House Canada.