If you have an Internet connection and poor impulse control, you know why Kim Kardashian is famous. One hint: it’s not for her knowledge of pharmacology. This is why I was surprised to see her on 20/20 talking about QuickTrim diet pills, which she and her sisters endorse. “We helped formulate this,” she said.
Really? And that’s a selling point?
If you want to know how to achieve “celebrity” by leaking a sex tape, Kim is the one to look to. When it comes to the intricacies of sustainable weight loss for the population at large, however, I am suspicious of her qualifications.
Did it the pills work? Not according to those who launched a $5 million lawsuit against the Kardashian clan. But the sisters had those bikini after photos!
Yeah, the ones that were so heavily Photoshopped Kim’s face got vertically stretched out with the rest of her body so she took on a horse-like visage.
And Kim hasn’t just pushed diet pills. She also flogged Skechers Shape-Ups – the shoes that allegedly burn extra calories and tone your butt. That’s the same Skechers, by the way, that agreed to pay $40 million to settle a class action lawsuit for false advertising.
In the interim, add in multiple quack diets and myriad magazine covers promoting the latest violation of the first law of thermodynamics.
And just this morning, a publicist sent me an email with this image attached.
What in the holy mother of crap?
Here is part of the marketing pitch from the publicist: “a workout corset like this will support long-term slimming and help you lose inches through the science of compression.”
The science of compression? That makes about as much sense as “the science of Play-Doh.” Brain … hurts …
Wait, there’s more. Here are additional marketing claims from the email, alleging the results are:
Midsection control (Read: “I can’t breathe!”)
Increased thermal activity (Read: “This thing is hotter than a Kevlar vest.”)
Loss of inches reported (Yeah, as long as you’re still wearing it. The instant it comes off everything flops back into its pre-corset place.)
Mobilizes fat cells (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!)
Stimulates perspiration (In case you don’t know what “Increased thermal activity” means.)
Oh, and one of the features of this corset is something called “FlexiBoning.” Does this mean there is a new sex tape in Kim’s future?
Add on top of this the likelihood that doing a non-stop Heimlich maneuver on your internal organs probably isn’t good for you.
I have a feeling that the reason aliens have yet to make contact with us is because they see shit like this and determine that there’s just no intelligent life down here.
This piece was first published on Six Pack Abs on August 26, 2014. It was fairly popular, with almost a thousand Facebook shares.
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James S. Fell, CSCS, is an internationally syndicated fitness columnist for the Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times and AskMen.com. He is the author of Lose it Right: A Brutally Honest 3-Stage Program to Help You Get Fit and Lose Weight Without Losing Your Mind, published by Random House Canada.