I was inspired to write this by the work of Adam Mansbach, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller “Go the Fuck to Sleep”.
Cue Samuel L. Jackson’s voice …
The sun is shining and your friends are out playing
The cops are prowling with robbers on the lurk
You’d love to go join them, but you have to stay in
So sit down and do your fucking homework
The snow is fresh fallen and the hills are calling
There are duties you would love to just shirk
But if you fail this test, the world just might end
Put that sled down, and do your fucking homework
You cry out for freedom like Nelson Mandela
And compare me to F. W. De Klerk
But I’m not the bad guy, you’ve had all weekend
Pay the piper and do your fucking homework
Stop comparing your teacher to Hitler or Stalin
Stop watching that video of Miley Cyrus twerk
Stop whining and crying and saying it’s not fair
Life isn’t fair, so do your fucking homework
That assignment isn’t going to finish itself
Write that essay about the empire of the Ottoman Turks
Not everyone knows that Istanbul was Constantinople
So get cracking, and finish your fucking homework
It was your idea to do the stupid science fair
About which technologies we have thanks to Captain Kirk
Communicators, hypo-sprays, tricorders and translators
It’s your project! Do your own fucking homework
The sun is setting and the gloom seeps in
Your eyes can’t see the through the murk
No you can’t go to sleep, get your ass back down here
No bed until you finish your fucking homework
The soft silken pillows are fluffy and warm
But you’re seriously driving me berserk
No kid of mine is flunking out of school
Wake up, and do your fucking homework
One day you’ll grow older and have a family of your own
You can’t feed them if you’re a Walmart clerk
Life is hard, suck it up, you must get good grades
Knuckle down and do your fucking homework
Many years from now you’ll have a big bank account
And live in a mansion with a self-satisfied smirk
You’ll be rich and successful and have lots of friends
And you’ll thank me for making you do your fucking homework
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James S. Fell is an internationally syndicated fitness columnist for the Chicago Tribune and author of Lose it Right: A Brutally Honest 3-Stage Program to Help You Get Fit and Lose Weight Without Losing Your Mind, published by Random House Canada. He also interviews celebrities about their fitness stories for the Los Angeles Times, and is head fitness columnist for AskMen.com and a regular contributor to Men’s Health.